the door’s ajar. i told you to shut it.
okay, maybe this is my imagination. my mind is playing tricks on me, or something. but we have this two year cycle when things go wrong & it’s past time for our reunion. maybe this is just wishful thinking.
you know, i tell people about you. not just about how you broke my heart. repeatedly, i might add. but for the most part, i tell them our story with all the ups & downs, twists & turns. but it ends with a firm no. a strong rejection & a goodbye that could have been an i love you from both sides. maybe it was? or maybe this is just wishful thinking.
the door’s ajar. i told you to shut it.
you see. its been two whole years & in that time, my decisions have all been based on you. at first they were to make you proud, to do the things you wanted for me to do, things that would make you smile when i finally got to tell you about them. oh, you didn’t know i had it in me to stand in front of vice presidents of companies & decision-makers & give them a good piece of my mind? right, of course you do. i was never afraid to give you a piece of my mind. so then these decisions switched to a “what would shock you?” thought process. & i went to france…traveled the world. i know you’d ask something along the lines of whether or not it was everything i dreamed it would be, because you know my heart & what my hopes are. six years of knowing someone can do that. or maybe, just maybe, this conversation we just had is wishful thinking.
of course, now i’m just running away. i put 2000 miles between us & i’m still running. running away from thinking about you (yes, i know i’m doing a terrible job of it), running away from any reminders of you (no, your high school friends are not on the top of my list of people i would like to see again), but most of all, i’m running from anything that has the possibility to make me feel the way you did (yeah, i understand that this isn’t a healthy habit i’ve formed here). i feel like if i told you all of this & trust me, i’ve been tempted, you’d react the right way. maybe you’d say the same things? but i think all of this is just wishful thinking.
the door’s ajar. maybe it’s time i just shut the damn thing myself.