twenty four was one of the hardest years of my life.
it began, unsettled and drunk — and with one of the most difficult realizations of my life: you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself. and i didn’t love myself those days.
i threw myself carelessly into each new situation, headstrong and not worrying about the end result. i trusted the lowest of people with my pride and my self worth. i ran from permanence like it was a chain threatening to pull me under a current. and i let myself be treated like a traitor when i only held good intentions.
i left and returned, only to leave again. i treated myself like a lover once had.
i struggled with rejection. jobs, opportunities, relationships. i feared acceptance. what if they saw me for who i really am?
twenty four was one of the best years of my life.
it began with precious moments spent with a close friend. he helped me see that i wasn’t loving myself in the way i deserved. i grew to see the joy found in self worth.
i threw myself full force into each new memory, knowing that i have control over the end result. i’m surrounded by those who have chosen me, and showed me that permanence is a repetitive action taken my those who wish to bathe our burns in the cool springs of their love. i am no longer a traitor to anyone, least of all myself.
i grew where i was planted, knowing that fertile soil can be found anywhere with a little bit of patience.
i forgave old love and recognized that its beauty could be seen while in its prime. rejection is an old friend, pushing me toward greater heights. i have passions and freedom and energy, because they see me and they know.
twenty five was never a guarantee. when you look at my past, you’d see that i never thought i’d make it this far. but twenty five is looking pretty good to me — or at the very least, i’ll make it so.